Whistler by Ann Path

Daphne finds her previous step father after 30 years of his absent not by choice. Realization of what went wrong 30 years ago and how it shaped her. Coming back into her life brings up the past and the realization "life is long and there had been many moves in the years that intervened." (pg. 15). How lost time can be made up, death can be beautiful and the time we have should be made with the ones we love. 

I read this because it was so talked about being a book that would crush you and for me it did that and more. Mostly because it came at a time when I lost my father unexpectedly and some of us are blessed with multiple parents "the problem with having too many parents is having to watch them all die." (pg. 236). This can be a blessing and a curse of balance.

My highlights/quotes/things that moved me:

Page 31: All of life's mistakes were the fault of the mother, all of the suffering.

Page 41: Eddie Triplett had not killed a child, nor would he ever again in his life love another person as much as he loved her. 

Page 106: I didn't disappear. That makes it sound like I abandoned you. I was exiled

Page16: Oh duck- I'll die, and so will you. I promise to go first and check it all out, make sure things look good up ahead.

Page 138: You've got your whole life to be dead.

Page 162 It's an awful, business loving another person.

Page 166: she would say it was because childhood never leaves us. We seal the room up and cover it in sheetrock. We dry and sand and paint, but the pocket of history remains, and sooner or later someone always winds up tapping on the wall, commenting on the way it sounds strangely hollow in there and then the whole thing comes tumbling down.

Page 175: I have found that when you start to wonder about who you've hurt in this life, you can easily lost your mind.

Page223: All my life I'd thought of my father as an obligation that I wasn't attending to. I felt guilty about not seeing him more, come to find out my father was doing fine.

Page 229: In my next life, I'm going to be a Californian.

Page 230: Put the trauma in the trauma box and the grief in the grief box

Page236: Not to much love, more like too much crimpling dependency on the part of the parent, which masquerades as love.

Page 237: Our parents did not depend on us for their sense of identity. They had their lives and we had ours

Page 244: We write each other notes, back and fourth, back and fourth. It's like texting for people with large collection of stationery.

Page 244: All these years later, you can still pry something loose. There's no sense carrying shame and regret into the next life. 

This book was one of the fast reads I've ever done in my life, total of 7 days. I know that may not seem like a short period of time for most but for someone who has a very overbearing job and a 3 year old who only wants her grandparents time is limited. I read the first half of the book in three days it had be reflecting on my own personal life of multiple sets of parents, a distance father who recently passed and the mental thought of death. By the time I got to the last 50 pages I was so emotional in denial that it was ending I slowed my reading to a crawl just to make it last long. Then I got to the end and I was torn: I loved it and hated the ending. How can you have hate for a five star book, I will be glad to share.  I wanted more and there was not much, she left it up to the read to put the dots together on how it ended. Emotional I could not imagine the ending I needed in my head I needed it on paper. Then there the part of it ended exactly how it needed to, some stories that are so good don't need to end on paper.